The Girl Who Said No To Normal

To be honest, I was a fool
To fall in love with a person like you.
You messed me around, told me countless lies.
And then left me here, waiting for this dream to die.

There was no reason, I suppose you thought it was funny.
But because of you, I lost all my confidence, sort of felt ugly.
And now here I am, waisting my time.
Writing these poems about you, trying to make every last word rhyme.

S.

Well nothing has happened today really. The new neighbours were doing some drilling yesterday, and it turns out they have cat, which is lucky because so do we. This could turn out to be a very good thing, man that sounds lame but I can't think of any other way of putting it really. But anyway, their from the country, and the eldest boys bedroom overlooks our garden. Which,oh crap. I've just realised that makes my room, next to his. And last night I was on the phone talking about how happy I was to have new neighbours, emphasising the fact that one of them was a boy. Well done Steph, you've already made a fool of yourself, and you have even met them yet. Nice work. Dad's organising a barbeque tomorrow, and because I am ever so polite and caring, I suggested inviting the new neighbours, because it's rude to be unsociable. Plus it's just darn ignorant. It's also a great oppurtunity to meet them. I'll let you know if anything developes from this.

S.

Well I'm here. Mum's left me and Chris, galavanting off to Norway. She's not like those mums you read about in Jacqueline Wilson books. She's caring and shares everything with me. And we all deserve a break from time to time. Chris has taken it suprisingly well. He's cried since she left, but he's always been clingy to her. Emma's at church doing wedding prep, so it's just me, Dad and Chris. Oh and I almost forgot. We have new neighbours. They arrived last week, but Chris only thought to tell me today. There's four of them. Husband, his wife and their two sons. Dad figures one is a year older than me, and the other a year younger than Chris. This could be interesting. Very interesting.

But I'm not going to be sad and pathetic, walk up and down the road, praying that their looking at me. But it is nice to have kids my age around this area for once. After like six years. I'll let you know if anything comes of this.

And now reading over this, I must say, I do feel utterly pathetic

Great.

Now I'm being shipped off to my Dad's for eight days, while Mum laughs it up in Norway with my grandparents. It's not that I don't like my Dad, it's just he can be incredibly fake with me. Always happy and tryin too hard if you catch my drift? I'm still going to school though, even though it will take a half an hour car journey apposed to my twenty minute walk. I'll still be here, writing away as usual, so don't fret.

I need to cut this one short. I'll write later though.

S.

It's time to let this go. Move on with my life, start from square one I suppose. I understand now that even though your a stupid twat who dosen't deserve me, life goes on. I can hold my head high when you walk past, because I know that I'm gonna find some one that loves me unconditionally. And I'm gonna be enough for them, they won't feel unsatisfied with me. And you will turn around one day and see me for what I am. You'll see that you were so stupid to let me go, and treat me the way you did. You'll come crawling back and say 'I've been such a fool' beging for me to take you back. And I'm gonna stand there with a great big smile on my face and say 'Pfft, how stupid do you think I am'. Then I'll turn around and walk away, knowing full well that your watching me.

Yeah I realise your happy with her now. But what we had was some how more than you and her. Just a bit. I'm here waiting for you. But not to take you back, pull the other leg. I'm waiting for you to see what your missing out on. But hey, I'm always here.

S.

Walk all over my fragile heart with your steel toed boots.
Take my dreams with two hands and bend until I break.
Do what you want.

I'm better than this.

I just wanted to write about my friend. She's been a real help and so she deserves this.

My friend Kim yeah?
She's a right laugh.
Never a dull moment with my Kim.

We make jokes about our maths teacher.
She's creative my Kim.
Good taste in music too.

Whenever I'm in a jam, I can always count on my Kim.
Out of all my friends, she's the one I trust with my life.
And everything else in between

I don't tell her enough how lucky I am to be chums with her.
And how super dooper special she is.

Okay now this is entering OCD territory.

Why would you lie to me about that? You hurt me so much and you have no idea what an effect you have on me. I know about it all, the fact that every word that came out of your mouth and glided into my ear was a lie. You've effected my whole life, because now I can't let anyone close because I'm afraid history will repeat itself. I sit at night in a tearful doze, because of what you did to me. And I know it's time to move on but everytime you look at me or speak to me, there's a glimmer of hope that one day we'll be more than we are now. But also, I can't say no to you and I keep hurting myself. I hope you some day know how it feels to be lied to, and to have your entire world tipped upside down.

S.

I thought I could handle it. And I'm not doing too bad to be honest. But it's so damn hard to see it everyday knowing that I'll never be anything to you. That I wasted my chances and that I missed out. If I had just tried that little bit harder and made an effort then I wouldn't be like this. How long is this going to take? It hurts to see you the way you are. Knowing how very wrong I was to trust everything you said because I've been told what you did. And I don't want to be with a person like that.

I'm about to trash religion, so if your religious, close this web page.

Why are we taught R.E in school? Why is it compulsory to learn about others peoples lives and way of living when our time could be better spent doing exam prep or a lesson which gives you something to think about?

Like in America they don't teach evoloution or the Big Bang Theory because it argues against the bible and pretty much the whole thing. Yet they won't ban R.E even though I and 99.9% of my school think it's a waste of bloody time. To be honest, I think that the idea of one person creating the whole world from nothing is a loud of crap! The theory is at one point there was nothing. Nothing at all. And now people are saying God started the world, even though there was nothing. Bollocks.

I'm rebelling about this. I am not being taught this crap anymore, because my time could be better spent. Argggh!

Keep reading folks.

S.